she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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