just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
