he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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