i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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