The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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