yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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