just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
