Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
