in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
