Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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