I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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