I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
