After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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