There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
