Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
