I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
