apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
