I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't deserve a penis
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
