it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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