I like my sex mixed with concussions.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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