i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize