this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
