Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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