New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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