He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
