We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
