you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
