my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When are your genitals available?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
