ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What a dumb baby whore.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
