why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
