Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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