i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
