giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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