Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
