Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
