We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
