I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
