Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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