Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
zippers are such a cool invention
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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