i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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