dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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