i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
