oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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