his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it's great music for shaving your balls
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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