gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
