OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
