I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
