Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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