Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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