i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
