you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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