His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
