I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
