After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
