I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
