for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
