I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
