I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
