Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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