I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
