i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
