Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
