2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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