My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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