Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
