i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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