My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
