dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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