I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
