I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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